The art of pausing

A stone is thrown into the air. It splashes into the river below and sinks to the bottom. The speeding water rushes over it creating ripples and vortices. The rock remains unperturbed. Wounded animals find a cave and rest. They stop to fully recover then get back to it.  So too with chemo. Pause and rest. Recover. That’s been my internal mantra for the course of this treatment. In fact it’s one of the harder parts in all this; remaining unperturbed while the river of society – perhaps best represented by the Facebook newsfeed – rushes by. There are days I feel ok enough to convince myself it’s all a bad dream. Chemo? I’m fine! But I’m not. At least not yet. Knowing, committing to pause runs counter to my disposition. It certainly runs counter to the society we live in. We don’t stop, we speed up! But a small voice inside tells me it’s a good thing. It’s necessary to support healing. So that’s what I’ve been doing. Pausing for a while. Being ok with that.