Today is the day – heading into the hospital shortly for the biopsy. Eli is here helping support me – he flew in from Boulder last night and it’s amazing to have his company. I’m still anxious to get this done. Getting this scheduled during the holidays has not been easy. I’m also nervous in part because I’ve seen this kind of routine surgery go wrong. My father was injured and had to retire early because of a surgical slip-up on a fairly routine procedure. My head goes there – it’s probably why I’m
such a pain the butt so meticulous when it comes to this stuff. But that line of thinking isn’t helpful now that the decision is made. Now is the time to let go, have some faith in the surgical staff and stand on the confidence/knowledge that I’ve done what I can within reason. I might do better in considering surgeons as the professionals they are and equivalent to pilots (high rate of taking off and landing well!). Optimizing is hard, time consuming and stressful and it’s hard not to second guess ones-self in a situation like this. Questions swirling: have I done enough to ensure an optimal outcome on this specific procedure? Am I being hasty? Should I have waited until after the holidays and done a more exhaustive surgeon search to get the very best one? How much signal does one need before trusting something like this? Do I have enough signal? …etc.
While I don’t want to look past this particular piece of the journey I’m also being practical and biased towards getting this done quickly; key decisions about the next line of treatment hinge on this information. Getting second opinions scheduled is also non-trivial – in some cases it’ll take 4 weeks to get setup so already I’m feeling pressed against the clock. I felt comfortable on my call with the surgeon the other day (good phone/bedside manner!). I’ve seen no strong reason to NOT proceed at this point.
Trying to put my nerves to the aside and focus on keeping things calm. Below is Lev in his surgical outfit sending me good vibes – I think it’s helping. Maybe this ordeal will serve as inspiration for this little one.