I thought I was in the clear. It had been about 14 days, 2 weeks exactly post-infusion and I was feeling strong, close to normal. I even worked out in the morning. Hours later I was in the ER being told I might die. Continue reading An ER visit – neutropenic fever
I pulled out the clippers. I don’t need hair where I’m going. And why hold onto it anyway – it’s just going to fall out sooner or later. Last thing I need is clumps of hair coming out of my head. So I decided to shave it off in one decisive moment. This’ll happen on my terms. Continue reading Burn the boats, cut the hair
Commitment to a purpose will result in success, or at least a worthy failure. Proactively defining that purpose is the key to moving in a great direction. It’s also the hardest part. And there should be little fear if the vision is crystal clear. Failure is always possible no matter what. For me I think it’s important to keep fear in check and use it as a tool to produce better outcomes. Bruce Lee is quoted to have something I’ve always really liked… Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail. Continue reading More notes on fear
Yesterday we took a quick excursion to the SF Japanese tea garden to bring in the weekend. About 10 years ago I made a decision to ask Michelle to marry me – and yes it was the best decision I ever made. I asked her on this bench. Below are 3 pretty darn good subsequent decisions. Put one step in front of the other; good decisions tend to create virtuous upward cycles. Here’s the proof.
I’m one week out from the first infusion – that’s 5% of the way to completion, assuming no complications. The first few days were ok, better than expected actually. I slept a full day after getting home from the hospital that first day. On Friday I got up early and actually did a pretty hard workout (my doctor wasn’t pleased but I felt really good). Continue reading Day 7: first week in review
The opportunity in facing cancer, especially being as young as I am, is that I get to face my mortality directly. There is no wriggling free when it gets hard. This is not an abstraction. This is the work. And it’s a gift. Continue reading The opportunity
Have you wondered what chemotherapy is like? I had never seen it first hand, just in a few episodes of Breaking Bad. Here’s a recap of my experience.
I kickoff my first chemo session in an hour. Feeling very calm overall. The one thing that’s surfacing for me above all others is a conversation with my son Lev last night. Actually it wasn’t so much a conversation as him telling me his thoughts.
Daddy, when I grow up I want to be a surgeon. Because the world needs more surgeons. And surgery is important….yeah. And I also want to be a baseball player. And a construction worker….
Fuck yea Lev! Why didn’t I do all those things?! Basically it was fear, apprehension. Self-doubt, thumb sucking (to borrow Warren Buffett’s terminology). Oy! Whatever it is we commit to we have a choice. We can tip-toe or we can tap-dance through this world toward our goals and dreams. No tip-toeing moments will be missed. And I hope to have fewer of them moving forward. Today certainly is not a day for apprehension. The path forward is clear. Let’s do this!!
So many emotions flowing through me as I prepare mentally for chemo treatment, which starts 8:45 am tomorrow…
I splurged on my wedding. My rationale was that there are only two times you get close to having your whole network in one place, your wedding and your funeral. I’ll now amend that to include a third event – getting diagnosed with cancer.